The Path I Took… Could Have Ended Very Differently

The Path I Took… Could Have Ended Very Differently

This morning, while cleaning stalls (which is when I do a lot of my thinking), I found myself reflecting on my granddaughter’s upcoming high school graduation.

I am so incredibly proud of her. She’s an amazing young woman - independent, driven, and always marching to the beat of her own drum.

And somewhere in that moment… a thought came to me.

I never experienced a true graduation as a young person.

No elementary school promotion.
No junior high graduation.
No high school ceremony.

The elementary years were a blur of constant moving, different schools, different systems. Some places sent kids to junior high in 7th grade, others kept them longer. There was no consistency, and no real milestone moments.

Junior high… well, I didn’t graduate from that either.

When Things Started to Go Off Track

If I’m being honest… I was a mess in junior high.

I had older siblings, so I gravitated toward older kids. There was a liquor store in our neighborhood that would sell alcohol to us - even at 13 years old. We’d sit out in a field under some trees and drink.

My mom had no idea.

She was doing her best. Mostly a single mom, working hard, and singing in a band at night. I never felt unloved, never. I look back now with nothing but love, compassion, and understanding for her.

But I had a lot of freedom… and I didn’t use it well.

By 14, I was experimenting with drugs - LSD, barbiturates like Seconal, uppers, marijuana, hash… along with alcohol. It was the 70's......very much a sex, drugs, and rock & roll culture - but not everyone went down the path I did.

I missed a lot of school. It was easy back then - I forged my mom’s signature and got away with it.

Until one day I didn’t.

A Moment I’ll Never Forget

In 9th grade, I came to school one morning so loaded on barbiturates that I could barely walk.

I remember going into the office for a late pass… knocking things off the counter… almost falling over.

Looking back now, I realize how serious that was. I was most likely very close to overdosing and could have stopped breathing.

They called my mom to come get me.

To this day, I still think about how that must have made her feel. I'm sure it scared the heck out of her.

High School… and Walking Away

Somehow, I was passed on to high school, no graduation tho.

I stayed in the same crowd, still using, still skipping school. I made it through 10th grade and most of 11th, but I hated being there.

At 16, when my mom and stepdad decided to move about an hour away, I made my own decision.

I got a job.
Dropped out of school.
Moved in with my boyfriend.

My mom tried to stop me… but I didn’t listen.

And just like that, my high school graduation was gone.

I eventually got my GED around age 18.

The Part That Still Gives Me Pause

Sometimes I let myself revisit parts of that time - especially the psychedelic experiences - and it still unsettles me.

I also think about the people I knew back then.

Many didn’t make it.

Overdoses.
Suicide.
Car accidents from driving under the influence.

I often wonder… why did I survive that season of my life?

A Different Kind of Graduation

Years later - around age 40 - I did get to experience something I had missed.

I completed my LPN program and walked in a ceremony to receive my pin.

And it meant everything.

My RN program was non-traditional, so there wasn’t a ceremony for that, but by then, I understood something much deeper:

Life doesn’t always follow the timeline we think it should.

Looking Back… Without Regret

When I think about it now, it’s amazing how one simple thought, my granddaughter’s graduation - brought all of this back.

I don’t share this to blame anyone.
I don’t share it with regret.

I share it because it’s part of my story.

Would I change a few things? Of course.

But I also know this:

I survived a path that many didn’t.
I built a life I’m proud of.
And I feel blessed, deeply blessed.

I thank God every day that I’m still here… and still going strong.

As I sit here after writing all of this, I realize something else…

This reflection - and putting it into words - has actually been therapeutic.

But I’ll be honest… I also feel a little bit of anxiety after typing it all out.

It’s interesting how the body holds onto things, even after all these years.

So I’m going to do what I’ve learned to do.

I’ll settle myself with prayer… and a little guided breathing… and let my nervous system come back to center.

And even with that feeling, I still want to share this.

Because it’s real.
And it’s part of me.

Something else came to mind as I was writing…

I’m pretty sure none of my siblings graduated high school either.

But the beautiful part?

The next generation changed that.

They became high school graduates.
College graduates.

And that matters.

That means something shifted. Something grew. Something healed.

And now… I get to sit back and watch my granddaughter walk across that stage in May.

And I can honestly say…

I am so proud.

Maybe I’m Not the Only One

I’m not even sure why I felt led to share this.

But maybe there’s someone else out there who lived a similar life in the 70s… or any time.

Maybe this will resonate with someone who didn’t follow the “normal” path.

Because sometimes…

The life that didn’t go as planned
turns out to be the one that shapes you the most.

This isn’t the easiest thing to share… but it’s real, and it’s part of my story.

Thank you for taking a few moments to read and share in these thoughts and experiences with me.

Until next time,
Wendy